Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Headline of the Day...

"Botox link under study in botulism cases"

You don't say!... Duh! WTF! LOL

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Single Greatest Threat?

The single greatest long-term threat to the United States of America is the rapid and continued dilution of its Christian heritage and values.

The Christian heritage of the U.S. was brought into focus last week by the celebration of perhaps the most Christian-like of American holidays. Of course, Thanksgiving is celebrated by Americans with a great diversity of backgrounds, but its early American-Christian roots are undeniable. Even a cursory glance at the original proclamation and Washington’s/Lincoln’s restatements leads to this inescapable conclusion. A further study of this country’s early documents points to more of the same heavy influence of Christianity in the formation of the U.S.

How far we’ve fallen in such a short period of time. It would be practically impossible in this day and age to imagine any government entity calling upon the public to “offer up our bodies and soulds (sic) as a living and acceptable Service unto God by Jesus Christ” as did the Council at Charlestown, MA. The mere mention of God is rare enough and getting scarcer still, and Jesus may as well be one of the few (if any) words still forbidden on network television.

What used to be the majority in the U.S. is rapidly becoming the “remnant” much like Isaiah refers to regarding Israel in the first chapter of his prophecy of Israel’s ultimate demise. And, like the remnant of Isaiah 1:9, the faithful, God-fearing citizen may be the only moral force holding this country together at the moment.

Well… on to the more complicated portion of the question… what to do about it?

While the threat is singular, the source of the threat is from myriad sources… the ACLU, Islam, rampant secularism/humanism, judicial overreach, political correctness, immigration, Hollywood values, and just plain crass immorality at levels unimaginable prior to the mid 1900s.

Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers, and even if I did, I’m sure there’s someone out there much wiser than I that could give better ones. But since I brought it up, I’ll devote a sentence or two to each (they deserve a book or two apiece):

The ACLU – At some point, the myth of “separation of Church and State” has to be debunked and we have to get back to the true meaning of the establishment clause of the first article of the Bill of Rights. I don’t have a problem with any organization that protects the freedoms of the U.S., but the ACLU has gone far beyond that in their campaign to wipe all vestiges of God and morality from American life. How to get back to a constitutional view of the first amendment? I don’t know… I’m no lawyer… but seems like a good start would be to get some constitutionalist judges (if any are left to be found) sitting on benches all over the country.

Islam – I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. We have to stop treating radical Islam as a religion and treat it for what it is… a political entity bent on the destruction of the United State of America. In that respect, it should be treated just like any other political threat to U.S. sovereignty… wiped out. The peaceful practice of Islam as a religion should be tolerated under the first amendment, but we have to recognize and deal with the threat of politically motivated Islam’s attempts to build a world theocracy. At some point, the religion stops and the threat begins.

Rampant secularism/humanism – Keep your eye on Europe for the dangers involved. I’m not real sure what can be done about this problem other than for the country to provide a more favorable environment for God-fearing folk. That’s certainly not the case at present.

Judicial overreach – Impeach the judges. Enact legislation to limit the powers of the judiciary. Enact legislation to further empower the public to initiate impeachment proceedings against judges.

Political Correctness – Is nothing more than a values system that stresses there is no right or wrong… a paradoxical statement if I’ve ever heard one (not much ‘value’ in having no right or wrong). You can’t live as a Christian, or any God-fearing individual and believe there is no right or wrong. Neither God or Jesus were ambivalent about calling out good and evil… neither should we.

Immigration - Control it according to existing law. Thoroughly educate immigrants in our past.

Hollywood values – Stop going to the movies. I did a long time ago.

Immorality – Get out of this first amendment protection of smut and filth and stop placing it front and center in our children’s (and adult’s for that matter) faces. This poor interpretation of the first amendment is in direct conflict with Article 1, Section 8 in which Congress is to provide for the general welfare of the country. We also need to stop writing laws that treat immorality as a God given right…. such as adding sexual orientation to the list of equal opportunity protected classes. The entire country needs to take Honest Abe’s advice… “And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience…”

There you have it! A wholly inadequate response.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Washington's T-Day Proclamation (the ACLU Version)

Here's the officially approved ACLU version for the Cupertino Union School District. Hats off to you if you can correctly fill in the missing words. If not, I suggest taking a look at the real version.

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of @#$%^&*( $%, to obey @#$ will, to be grateful for @#$ benefits, and humbly to implore @#$ protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and @#$%^, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty @#$, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious @#$%^ who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto @#$ our sincere and humble thanks for @#$ kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of @#$ providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted' for the civil and !@#$%^& liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which @# has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our @#$^$ and supplications to the great @#$% and @#$% of Nations and beseech @#$ to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have show kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true @#$%^& and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as @# alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3d dy of October, A.D. 1789.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Origins of Smoking

There’s this new study out on a possible genetic link to smoking. Personally, I think all these genetic studies with links to this and links to that are great! They’re helpful in understanding the male psyche. For example, when the wife asks every Tuesday night, “Just once… why can’t you manage to get the garbage out to the street?!” My simple answer, “But honey… I’m lacking that taking-out-the-garbage gene… it’s not my fault!” There’s what?... about 296 gazillion genes? I figure that’ll be enough for all the excuses I’ll need to come up with in my life. Hey, if genetics can explain away smoking, drinking, gambling and homosexuality, taking out the trash ought to be a piece of cake!

Did you ever wonder how smoking got started? I mean… surely some guy didn’t just get the brainiac idea one day to roll some dead weeds up in some paper, light it on fire and inhale the smoke. For one thing… paper was too valuable! I think it must have gone something like this…

Back in the days before electricity and toilet paper… say the mid eighteenth century, our youth’s entertainment choices were severely limited… no X-Box or MTV or looking at naked women on the web and even wiping wasn’t as fun as now. So, always on the prowl for new and exiting ways to test the limits of his youthful immortality, one day Steve says to Chuck, “Hey Chuck, let’s go out to the field, set the grass on fire and see how much smoke we can inhale before passing out!” Chuck, clearly lacking the non-smoking gene, says, “Sure thing dude, far out… !” (or whatever the appropriate youthful expression of glee was in the mid eighteenth century). So Chuck and Steve start having this competition every week and low and behold it catches on with other teens of the day. After all, no one can account for the tastes of teens.

Pretty soon crowds of teens are gathering around burning patches of field inhaling the smoke. Of course, there are some serious problems with this form of entertainment. For one, the owners of the fields weren’t too wild about it, so the kids soon found it hard to find a field to smoke. Another problem… when you passed out, the chances of getting burned were pretty high. And… speaking of high… one day the teens hit the local hemp farmer’s field. That turned out to be a popular spot indeed!

So naturally, the older folks being more responsible and all, solved these problems (maybe except the last one) by localizing the game. This involved rolling parts of the field up into big leaves… tobacco turned out to be a nice big leaf and it burned nicely too. This moved the game out of the fields and into the village and pretty soon the whole village was hooked on the new game. In no time at all, the smoke-the-field game spread throughout the world! There you have it… the origins of smoking.

Of course, 50 years later, the world saw another interesting phenomenon… a huge spike in lung cancer cases. But mankind didn’t figure that one out until the relatively recent advent of the trial lawyer.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Smoked Turkey Recipe (for real)

I’ve been doing this for many years… I thought I’d pass it on.


One Turkey (or more if you’re really hungry and you have a huge grill)
More butter than you’ve ever used at one time (four boxes, minimum)
Salt, Pepper and whatever other spices you like on poor deceased Tom
One package of Cheesecloth
Two bags of charcoal (or a full tank of gas for you short-cutters)
Couple or three pieces of oak or hickory
Two disposable turkey pans (if you use the fancy one you got for a wedding gift, you'll be sorry)
Two disposable 9” round pie pans
A big baster (you try looking it up… I couldn’t figure out how to spell it)
One live chicken


1. Pull the guts out of the turkey and save for gravy/dressing.
2. Stick two full sticks of butter in cavity (take the wrapping off first)
3. Salt/Pepper/Spice turkey as desired
4. Put Turkey in double pan (one inside the other)
5. Cut 4 lengths of cheesecloth a little longer than turkey.
6. Place the cheesecloth over the turkey so that:
A) The entire turkey is covered (except bottom)
B) Avoid folds in the cheesecloth (should be smooth)
C) Avoid air cavities between cheesecloth and turkey (tuck into coutours)
D) You end up with about eight layers (four pieces folded over)
E) If you have a button turkey, make a cutout for the button after covering.
7. Start the fire. Use a full bag a charcoal (more than you usually use)
8. Melt a minimum of eight sticks of butter and pour over the cheeseclothed turkey. The object is to end up with a fully wetted turkey. Do Not leave any cheesecloth dry.
9. Arrange charcoal so there’s a 9” hole in the middle. Place the doubled up pie tin in the hole and fill with water. If, during cooking, the water evaporates, replenish.
10. Put some oak or hickory in the fire to supply smoke.
11. Let the chicken out of the coop (mine is called “Butterscotch”) for company while cooking.
12. Put turkey on grill. Baste every 10 minutes or so. You must keep cheesecloth from drying out. It will brown, but should never get hot enough to turn brittle and black.
13. Most charcoal doesn’t last long enough to fully cook a turkey. You’ll have to replenish at some point.
14. Replenish butter if necessary.
15. Cook until button pops out or check temp with a meat thermometer and follow poultry guidelines. Generally this method takes much longer than frying, but shorter than oven cooking… around three hours or so.
16. Thank the chicken for keeping you entertained.
17. Remove cheesecloth. Skin should be browned and turkey extremely moist.
18. Eat!
19. Watch Football, take nap.


Oh... the reason for the double turkey pans? Twofold...
1. You ever dump a dozen sticks of butter on a hot fire? Not good for you or the turkey!
2. When you're done, take the turkey inside in the inside pan and leave the outside one on the grill. Your wife will love you more.